Just a Saturday afternoon thought as I sip on my second cup of coffee….
Do you ever think that the one thing that makes you unique, the one thing that makes you powerful, the one thing that you are most proud of is the one thing about you that makes people not want to date you? I am proud of all of the traits and characterizations that are a part of me: mom, teacher, a little weird, Christian, writer, coffee drinker, etc.
But what if someone looks at one or more of those parts of me and thinks ‘there is no f**ing way that I would want that girl’?
I’m not actively dating at the moment, but I know that the dating scene is rough these days and I personally know some amazing people out there who just can’t seem to find a worthy companion. I often wonder what amazing part of them does someone else find repulsive? What trait or what slice of their life does someone not want a piece of?
When I was dating, I found myself trying to play two different people: the real me and the date-able me who could be exactly what the person wanted. It was too much and I’ve realized that no matter where I am in life, I no longer want to be in spaces where I can’t be me or feel as if I can’t be me. It’s not healthy to try change who you are for the benefit of others.
I am a HUGE Sex and the City fan and look to the somewhat outdated (the show premiered in 1998) pieces of advice and bits of wisdom to apply to my own life. Carrie Bradshaw, the main protagonist of the show, has a memorable quote that sticks with me:
“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it.”
That is so real. If you are dating while (insert characterization here), then own it and be honest. Sometimes we change who we are because we THINK the person won’t like who we are without even letting them decide that for themselves.
Or we only show the ‘easy’ parts of who we are and hide the strange that’s inside all of us in varying levels. Just be who you are and carefully put it all on the table (it’s okay to spread this out over time) so you or the other person can decide to move forward with each other or to move on with someone else.
If a person doesn’t like you, at any time you can stop seeing them and keep swiping left (or right?) until you find someone who embraces all of you. While dating, you are allowed to keep your options open and your dating profiles up and active unless you and the other person, TOGETHER, decide otherwise.
Aside from toxic behaviors that harm yourself or others, I honestly don’t you should EVER change for anyone. Any person who you have given your trust and your love to will accept you for all the parts that they love, like, dislike, or even hate. And if you do decide to change something about yourself as a relationship progresses and gets serious, then that’s your decision.
But real love is when someone accepts you for what they love and what they don’t like about you and still love you.
Another Carrie quote that I love:
“The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”
Find someone who loves you just like you love you and the relationship may just be FABULOUS. Happy dating. ♥♥♥
Jasmine Nicole 