Jasmine Nicole

I’ve faced a lot of challenges in my 27 years of life and I’m sure I could write a small memoir about it right now. But the biggest and most present challenge I’ve faced and overcome is looking to others to determine my value.

Who am I? It’s a question I’ve indirectly and directly asked myself so many times in my life. But the answer used to lie in what others said. In the thoughts from the people in my relationships, in the recognition of my work, in my role in other people’s lives, that’s what would determine the answer. How other people viewed me or didn’t view me. The better half of my life was spent people-pleasing, living, and doing for the approval of others. If I’m honest, I still slip into that sometimes, but I’ve discovered a lot about why I do this. I’ve discovered why this was harmful and how it has harmed me. I’m now able to catch myself when I start to look outward and change my course of action to shift the focus from other’s approval and shift it to my own approval.

There are so many ways this way of thinking was harmful. People can prove to be unreliable. Some people don’t always use words and outward means to show that they value you. And people are human and can be going through their own things and don’t stop to give flowers for everything you may do. Or life can simply just get in the way. They have no way to show or tell you they approve, and the list goes on and on. I had to stop and realize that if I was going to continue to place my worth in someone else’s hands, my worth would always be unstable, misinformed, and fluctuating.

I’ve done so many amazing things and I’m not done conquering what I set to conquer yet. I know that I don’t need to look past my own mind to understand that my value is not determined by who sees me. I know what I’m worth because I live it every day.

It’s like that saying, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, did it fall? If no one applauds or praises me for the work I do, did I still work hard? Am I still an asset to the world if the world doesn’t stop to pat me on the back? Yes I am. I am valuable and I’ve overcome solely determining my worth by the approval of others. Flowers are still beautiful even if they aren’t picked for a bouquet.